My new diagnosis…

I’ve been having ups and downs for the last couple of years, a lot of good things have happened, but the downs were concerning me. I’m a very strong person. I usually don’t let much get in my way, but man these last few years have been rough mentally and physically. I have had many low low moments that were very scary. I found myself hitting rock bottom at one point. I kept telling my family that I have not idea what is going on. I don’t understand why I feel the way I feel. I’m so grateful for my family for helping me get through it. I have an amazing husband and amazing kids. I’m one lucky women. It really got worse this past November of 2013. I had a bad episode of numbness and weakness in my arms and legs. Of course my first thought was that I had can cancer again. This was how it all started in 2006. I went to my doctor who sent me to get my neck scanned. I knew immediately that something was up when he called me and told me to see a neurosurgeon, specifically the one I saw back in 2006, immediately. A long story short…I found my awesome surgeon who was amazing during my time in 2006, Dr. Beshay. At the time he was in his residency. He has since opened up his own practice here in Dallas!! We were reunited!!


I knew I was in good hands.  He reassured me that it wasn’t cancer, but he didn’t know what it was. He asked me to go see a Neurologist. He sent me to Dr. Salmon who he said he would send his wife too if he needed one. Which comforted me. I’ve seen lots and lots of doctors that just put me on more medicine. I’m tired of medicine. At first I was worried that this doctor wasn’t listening to me. You know when you talk to some doctors and you can’t tell if they are really paying attention…well that is how I felt until he said that he wanted my head scanned and my nerves tested. YES!! Finally a doctor that believes me!! I’ve been telling so many doctors that I just don’t feel good, but with good blood work and scans from Utah they said I was fine. So on we went to do the nerve testing, which wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, and then the brain MRI.

With the way insurance did things, I ended up going to Utah for my annual Bone Scan, MRI, and CT. Of course everything came out good. They said that my numbness if probably what they call late effects from one of my chemo’s. Sure. It was possible. I’ll take it…it wasn’t cancer!! Onto home I went to then get my MRI that Friday. It was about another week when my neurologist called informing me of the new diagnosis of MS. I wanted to know why he thought MS. I never even thought of it being that. Ever. The next day I sat in his office discussing what it was, why it is, and what my life will be like. I have 10 spots on my brain and the lesion in my neck, all demyelination. OH…I remember that word!! In the very beginning of my cancer journey Randy wrote on this blog that they were thinking it was a autoimmune of some sorts like MS. Who knew!! Here it is 7 years later and coming up again. Wow. I just kept thinking to myself “Is this really happening to me?’ “Can I handle these daily injections?”. I didn’t know much about MS. Only that Montel Williams has it and a lady I served with once a while ago had it. I knew that this is something that wasn’t going to kill me. I knew that many live a full life with it. I really didn’t have any questions at the time. I just wanted to leave his office and come home to take it all in.

I am ok with the diagnosis now. I am over the shock. I have cried a little and laughed a little. I started the  shots last Friday on January 31st. The medicine is suppose to stop the episodes from happening as much. It protects my myelin sheathing from being attacked. It’s called Copaxone. They sent out a nurse to teach me how to inject myself. I was super nervous. Not of the needle, but of how I would feel after the shots. I started in my arms, a huge OUCH!!, then to my hips, still OUCH!, then my thighs, OUCH!!, onto my stomach. They all welted up except for my right thigh and my stomach. When I say ouch, it’s not from the needle. I don’t feel it at all. It comes from the burning and welts that appear about a minute later and sometimes last up to a couple of hours. It’s been really rough on me. I’m holding up. I received a priesthood blessing in November when I had that episode. In it I was told that I would be comforted in my trial. I have faith that the Lord knows me and knows what I can and can’t handle. I know I’ll be ok. I know I’ll get into a routine and look back and see how far I’ve come. I know I just need to rely on the Lord and I’ll get through all of this. I’m grateful of the knowledge I have about the gospel. I’m grateful of the gospel that brings me the knowledge that one day I’ll be perfected. I won’t have this body that is damaged. I’ll be made pure and whole again. I’m grateful for priesthood blessings. They are a glimpse into heaven. I’m not alone in this. I’m so grateful that I am born in today’s world of medicine.

Speaking of modern medicine. I have been looking at several different “natural” ways of healing and have talked with a few people that have gone the “all natural” way. I appreciate their openness and all of your ideas. I’ll keep my mind open, but for now I’m going to do these shots. I will still read about other remedies for the future. Right now I’m just getting use to the thought of this. I’m a busy mom that needs to stay busy and focused on raising my family. I can’t thank all my family and friends that have been by my side through not only my cancer, but my crazy mind moments, and now through this new diagnosis. Thank you for being there to help me laugh and allow me to cry.


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